Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Semen is not good for contacts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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