either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
