We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
