Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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