i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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