is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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