Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
