I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
