the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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