I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
