I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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