My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
