So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
