Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
