To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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