i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
