the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
