Small penises have feelings too.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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