Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
