I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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