Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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