she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize