shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
