I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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