Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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