i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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