The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize