I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
