U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
