Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
