someone owes me an orgasm
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
