You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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