I hope mine doesn't look like that
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize