I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your cock deserves a montage
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
