Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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