There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm at about main and main street
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
