i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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