she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
