Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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