i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
