Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize