mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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