i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
