Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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