ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
