Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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