A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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