So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
