A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
