he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
