im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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