Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
