i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
