The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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