he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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