so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
