..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
