I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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