we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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