she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
