This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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