The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
