Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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