JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
