Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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