whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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