We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
