I wanna bring you to show and tell
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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