So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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