I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
