highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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