If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
