She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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