I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize