explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize